"You gotta believe in the things you put faith in."
"You gotta believe in the things you put faith in."
This past weekend a friend, Lorenzo Diggins Jr., celebrated the release of the fourth issue of Find Peace. Keep Peace., one of his many self-published creative visions. I believe Lorenzo’s depth of thought and intention is what makes each issue feel like a masterpiece and I use the word, “feel” with specific purpose. Words, and language have always had a way of holding me. In my adolescence, my nose remained buried in a book because the words allowed me to nestle into a space and a world that took me outside of the one I lived in. Raised in a predominately white environment, the world outside of my home, was a world that didn’t care much for me and so, at an incredibly young age I was tasked with the responsibility of learning to care, mostly emotionally, for myself. This is not to say that I did not receive care, and love, from my family, and a small but very mighty community of individuals outside of them, but there was an internal care that was necessary to meet needs which, at such a young age, I had neither the language or level of self-awareness to name, or communicate. Reading was both an escape, and home place, and writing offered me a space to mull over thoughts, questions, and feelings, and express, to myself, for myself, the often inexpressible. Fast forward to the present and I still find words and language to be a place within which I can feel, fill, and be held.
Lately I have found myself tiptoeing around and sometimes backing away from this calling of “writer”. I am still unpacking all the reasons why, but one thought I’ve been thinking a lot of is about the goals I have set for myself, as a writer. I have wondered about the origin of these goals, and if they come from me or if I’ve allowed them to be placed upon and influence me toward thinking that I have to do this, or that, in order to call myself this, or that. I am going to continue exploring these thoughts, and likely share at a later date.
Now, onto the title of this post. A quote from a longtime friend, and fellow writer, Jayson Rodriguez. His words have been repeating softly in my head for the last few weeks. I’ve often wondered why words come back to me, seemingly floating in from out of nowhere, like the lyrics to a song you’ve not heard in a while, but then, one day, you wake up and the song has set itself on repeat in your mind. Jayson’s words are the lyrics in my head. The revisiting of them has led me to this reflection.
At the end of last year, during our final session before his year-end break, my therapist asked me what I wanted to work on in the new year. I said one thing I believed I really needed to work on is my belief. Then, I second guessed my word choice and said, "or maybe it's my faith.” My therapist gave me a look that I've come to know well, and I grinned, and said, "I had it right the first time."
I have umptenth faith in the fact that I have been bestowed, entrusted even, a gift (I think we all have one, or two, or three) and the gift has a specific purpose and intent. What I don't wholeheartedly believe in, and what I spend an incredible about of time doubting, is my ability to do the gift justice, to serve it, to fulfil to fulfill its purpose, to provide or create the substance that fills its vessel.
When we talk about the power of manifestation, and this idea that what is meant for us will not pass us by, I think what we may also want to keep in mind is that the power of manifestation also requires rooted intention, belief and action. And, just because something passes us by doesn't always mean it isn't ours or hasn’t been prepared for us. Sometimes we're not ready to receive the thing(s) we are meant for. Sometimes we need time to grow towards them, and it takes trial, and error, failing or losing to learn, and then confidently know, the ways in which we need to grow, so that when it comes back again, we are aligned and able to receive it. — ẹniafẹ isis
Fruitful References:
Reference Sources:
Giants The Series, Acor Will Catlett {full video}
Toronto International Film Festival 2014, In Conversation with Kerry Washington {full video}